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Photo by Doug Trattner
Udon noodles at Never Say Dive
Many peg the early aughts as the golden era of cocktails, but I would argue that there’s no better time to be into libations than right now. Sure, credit goes out to those serious-minded craft cocktail lounges, where we learned to ditch the sticky-sweet swigs in favor of proper Prohibition-era classics, but, man, were those places a snooze.
At bars like LBM, Porco Lounge and, now, Never Say Dive, those well-built adult beverages come with a heaping side of fun. If ever there was a time when people needed places to blow off a little steam, it’s 2024. Never Say Dive, which opened in Old Brooklyn back in January, is the type of place where a group of mates can get a little rowdy without offending the fragile sensibilities of those around them – including the owners.
From the outside, Never Say Dive looks like every other workingman’s tavern from back in the day. But step inside and you land in a playful escape from the real world, where theatrical touches like bright neon, marquee-style menu boards and campy art combine to create a vibe best described as “revived dive.” Underneath it all, though, is a handsome 1920s-era saloon that features chestnut-paneled walls, tin ceilings, checkerboard linoleum flooring, stationary stools and rebuilt booths.
No self-respecting local doesn’t offer a cheap beer option and here, drafts can be had for as little as $3. If you want to step up from the lawnmower beer that is Narragansett, you can snag cans and drafts ranging from $4 for the curiously named Montucky Cold Snack on up to $8 for a 14-ounce Milk Stout from Left Hand. The wine quality is a step up from most bars, but the selection is meager, with just one by-the-glass choice for white, red, pink and bubbles.
The drinks program is right on trend with housemade seltzers, draft cocktails and bespoke bevvies. Clever names like Metallicus, Flux Capacitor and Non-Alignment Pact belie the thought and labor that goes into these balanced blends. Barbados rum and falernum star in a stellar daiquiri called Royal Bermuda Yacht Club ($13). If a Long Island Iced Tea and a Ramos Gin Fizz had a lovechild, it might taste like the Escape from Long Island ($15) thanks to its boozy base, velvety texture and poofy egg-white cap. The refreshing seltzers ($6) come in flavors like strawberry, peach and smoky soursop.
Unlike most dive bars – old or reimagined – this one keeps drinkers from walking out the door thanks to a food program that goes well beyond wings and a burger. The owners – Eric Ho, Dan Watson and Tommy Shaffner – installed an open kitchen in the adjacent room and recruited chef John Hagerty, who also runs the vegan Green Kitchen in Clark-Fulton.
If you’re looking for an edible example of the high-low concept being bandied about order the Dive Dog ($16). A weighty Kobe-beef dog is tucked into a poppy seed brioche bun and gilded with dollops of briny caviar. Potato chips add crunch while mayo greases the wheels. A great place to start is with a snack platter, a choice of three for $13. Ours was equipped with pork rinds with whipped blue cheese, housemade chips and Lawson’s style dip, and powder-pink pickled eggs with a texture best described as “bouncy.”
I did expect to find a killer smash burger ($14) here – a perfectly built, immensely enjoyable stack – but I did not expect to unearth one of the most rewarding bowls of udon ($14). A tangle of thick, chewy noodles arrives in a savory bone marrow-kissed broth. Meaty, golden-brown oyster mushrooms add some woodsy umami. Another pleasant surprise, the kohlrabi Caesar ($15) blends ribbons of cool, crunchy and slightly sweet kohlrabi with bits of smoked trout in a bright, citrusy vinaigrette.
After a lively initial visit, we were eager to schedule a return trip to Old Brooklyn. Our sign arrived via social media in the form a Ghoulardi-adorned poster advertising Never Say Dive’s “Famous Fried Chicken and Bubbly” night. For the low, low price of $40, tables receive a bucket of fried chicken and a bottle of cava. We upgraded the house bubbles to a bottle of blanc de blancs ($20 add on) and tacked on tequila service ($12) to boot. The dark-meat chicken, lightly breaded and drippy with honey, was finger-licking good indeed.
Far from the work of cynical carpetbaggers, Never Say Dive is a bar built by and for residents of Old Brooklyn. It fits the neighborhood like a well-worn glove – albeit a neatly tailored one – and is run with the sort of “Midwest professionalism” that has become our stock in trade.
Never Say Dive
4497 Broadview Rd., Cleveland
neversaydivecle.com
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