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Good afternoon, Cleveland. Here’s some stuff to read while you wonder what a 119-year-old woman looks like in a sportsbra.

— There’s supposedly a 119-year-old woman in Warrensville Heights. Her family wants her certified as the oldest living person in the U.S., but the Guinness people need a birth certificate to make it official. Alas, all this woman’s family has is a letter from the Social Security Administration. All those years for naught. (NewsNet5)

— FYI for all you athletic women out there: Cleveland’s new lingerie football team is holding tryouts this Sunday. FYI for all you pervy men out there: Cleveland’s new lingerie football team is holding tryouts this Sunday. (NewsNet5)

— Ohio has ruled a funeral home can’t liquefy dead bodies and dispose of them in the sewer. Turns out it’s totally safe and environmentally friendly, they’re just concerned about the possibility of alligators drinking the post-human remains and becoming zombie alligators. (AP)

This article appears in Mar 23-29, 2011.

Vince Grzegorek has been with Scene since 2007 and editor-in-chief since 2012. He previously worked at Discount Drug Mart and Texas Roadhouse.

3 replies on “Afternoon Brew: 119-Year-Old Woman, Lingerie Football Tryouts, Funeral Home Can’t Dipose of Liquefied Bodies in Sewer, and Calamity Days Approved”

  1. If the family has information from the social security administration and they can verify that this is a true letter from the social security administration then that should be enough. There are some people that are over a hundred years of age that don’t have a birth certificate so how does anyone know that anyone is over a hundred years old with out it? The social security administration has all the proof at hand

  2. All she said was that she worked for white folks .. what you thought she did back in the 1800’s how is that racist. you dumb f__K. Where the hell do you get off. Whats makes you any better… … sounds to me you will be reaping what you sow real soon… and for your info gets some education and learn how to spell you jack azz. Its people like you that keep racism going. But i know im wasting my time talking to you ignorant folks.. SMH SO DUMB

  3. America is just like the Middle East-Jealous Whites and blacks are the only two races, in this country, that STILL have issues getting alone! And by the way if you have left US alone in Africa and work your OWN fields back in the day, then Perhaps we would have still been there!!!

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