After four months of dragging his feet, ESPN Cleveland’s Aaron Goldhammer fulfilled his on-air promise from earlier this year to “eat horse poop” if the Cleveland Browns snagged Baker Mayfield with the No. 1 pick in the NFL Draft. Goldhammer made the statement after predicting the Browns would go with Sam Darnold, an incorrect prediction that would lead Goldhammer to taste defeat, and literal horse shit.
Being a man of his word, Goldhammer publicly announced that he was going to eat the worst part of every parade, horse droppings, live on air. After weeks and months of hedging, he finally made good today.
Served a bowl of horse manure and ketchup in a legitimately shitty attempt at a meatloaf, Goldhammer ate a spoonful and immediately retched into a lined recycling bin. Moral of the story, don’t write checks that your body can’t cash.
Or, don’t talk shit unless you plan on eating it.
This article appears in Sep 5-11, 2018.
It is an apt description of ESPN Cleveland, its absentee ownership group and incompetent – shrinking – roster of on-air “personalities”.
Real moral of the story, don’t beat a dead horse about horseshit that nobody gives a shit about.
Or…don’t write about horseshit unless you plan on being there to watch someone who’s planning on eating it. Copying and pasting a tweet and posting a story about horseshit…ain’t…well…jackshit.
Were you there, Charlie?