Matt Lachman LPCC-S, CST

Desire changes over time. Communication breaks down. Long term relationships need novelty and care. New relationships bring anxiety and excitement. And sex does not always look the way we think it should.

When people in relationships create moments of intentional closeness, they keep their emotional connection strong while also giving the nervous system a sense of safety and relaxation.

People often imagine it’s just “talking about sex.” While that’s certainly part of the work, it’s also about exploring intimacy, connection, desire, communication, embodiment, shame, identity, and relational patterns.

For some couples, porn is neutral or even beneficial. For others, it brings up insecurity and fear. Often this question is really a more vulnerable one about being the only outlet for your partner’s sexuality.

It’s a proposed idea that’s often based more in morality and shame than in neuroscience or psychology. When we understand sexual struggles as symptoms of deeper emotional pain, disconnection, or shame, we open the door to better questions.

Pain and pleasure aren’t opposites. In fact, they share a surprising amount of brain real estate.

It’s not if your sex life fades, it’s when. Instead of waiting for desire to magically return, you have to start building the conditions and curiosity that help it grow.

It’s more complicated than ever and the psychological landscape has shifted, largely due to apps. Here’s how to simplify it.

A herpes diagnosis does not mean the end of your sex life. By replacing fear with accurate information and talking more openly, the less power shame holds.

Menopause is not the death of sexuality, but it often requires us to rewrite the story we’ve told ourselves about what our sexuality is “supposed” to look like.

Being the partner of someone with this kink can be difficult, but it need not be a source of shame for either person. Honest but hard conversations are essential.