In November of 1974, a Browns fan and season ticket holder sent a letter to the team regarding a concern of his.

The Cleveland Browns (specifically, their general counsel) sent back an absolutely epic response.

Here are their two letters (click on images to enlarge):

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If that’s not clear, here’s the transcribed text:

Gentlemen:

I am one of your season ticket holders who attends or tries to attend every game. It appears one of the pastimes of several fans has become the sailing of paper airplanes generally made out of the game program. As you know, there is the risk of serious eye injury and perhaps an ear injury as a result of such airplanes. I am sure that this has been called to your attention and that several of your ushers and policemen witnessed the same.

Please be advised that since you are in a position to control or terminate such action on the part of fans, I will hold you responsible for any injury sustained by any person in my party attending one of your sporting events. It is hoped that this disrespectful and possibly dangerous activity will be terminated.

Very truly yours,

Roetzel & Andress

By Dale O. Cox

And here’s the Browns response:

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This article appears in Dec 22-28, 2010.

Vince Grzegorek has been with Scene since 2007 and editor-in-chief since 2012. He previously worked at Discount Drug Mart and Texas Roadhouse.

32 replies on “Absolutely Epic 1974 Letter From Cleveland Browns to a Fan”

  3. You know the only thing that would make this better? If a hoard of absolutely unfunny simpletons strained their hardest to make jokes that start with the word “Similarly.” That’d be hilarious!

  4. I smell a rat. Look at the date on the reply from the Browns. It’s so much lighter than the rest of the letter. Methinks something has been doctored here!

  5. “Absolutely Epic”? In the immortal words of Inigo Montoya: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

  7. There’s a lawyer named Dale O. Cox who went to Hiram and Michigan and who now lives in Idaho. Google him to get a phone number and find out if this is real!

  8. Sadly, corporate lawyers are too much of a wuss to ever send a letter like that today. Worse, after having received such a letter, a trial lawyer today would have drummed up some warm body to claim they were indeed injured and sued the team for hundreds of millions of dollars.

    Rich

  9. Probably a hoax. It would have been very difficult for the Browns to actually receive the letter (11/19) on the same day as it was authored

  10. Probably a hoax. It would have been very difficult for the Browns the receive the letter (11/19) on the same day as it was authored

  11. Re: jbrew “Probably a hoax. It would have been very difficult for the Browns the receive the letter (11/19) on the same day as it was authored”

    Try reading again… Authored on 11/18, received 11/19

  13. This is great! Who cares who it’s from, when it was sent or why! There is no whining in football no matter what!

  15. I called Mr. Cox in Idaho. He confirms it is real. He goes skiing with a Browns helmet and jacket. He remains a loyal Browns fan.

  16. Well, what did Mr. Cox say about the team’s response? What with it not being a hoax and all that. (Still not sold on the authenticity…)

  18. This all-too-cute riposte has been floating around for decades, ascribed to many different situations.

    Until someone provides documented confirmation, it should be viewed as a complete hoax.

  19. Mr. Cox is lucky he wasn’t writing to the Patriots. They probably would have just taken his season tickets away for suggesting he might sue them.

  20. A Art is right, look at the letter head, it has been photo shopped in. What is with people these days, don’t they have anything better to do than to create hoax’s

  21. When I am physically facing “Jobsworths” I evoke a phrase I have been using 40 years “Mr/Mrs X Rules are for the guidance of the wise & the obediance of fools. In which of those categories do you place yourself??!! I certainly results in a nonoseconds silent thought prior to a reply.

  22. I happen to personally know the gentleman who was Browns attorney at the time, and this is absolutely real.

  25. It would have been very difficult for the Browns the receive the letter (11/19) on the same day

  26. “This is great! Who cares who it’s from, when it was sent or why! There is no whining in football no matter what!”

    C’Mon this is Cleveland Browns football… There is no WINNING no matter what!!!

  27. “This is great! Who cares who it’s from, when it was sent or why! There is no whining in football no matter what!”

    C’mon, this is Cleveland Browns football… There is no WINNING no matter what!!!

  28. This is probably my favorite article of all time. I should print these two letters and hang them up side by side.

  29. I have printed these two letters and they are now hanging on my wall side by side. Still makes me laugh every time I walk past them, lol.

  30. Paper airplanes beat the beers being dumped by “fans” from the upper deck walkways onto people in the lower deck.

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