The Beachland Prom: It's coming up, so ask her soon before that burn-out with a band does

The Beachland (15711 Waterloo Road) will host its annual adult prom night Saturday, May 17. The Helper T-Cells and Dreadful Yawns will provide the music to which you will cut your rug and, if your date lets you, slide your hands inconspicuously onto his or her ass until Miss Heinrich comes by with a ruler and tells you "hands to yourselves." The club hasn't released full details yet, but these things are always a blast: You dress up in your best duds. Or your best duds from 1998. Or someone else's polyester onetime best duds that they sold to an old thrift store. And you come to the Beachland Ballroom for a night of food, dining, keepsake photos, and dancing. Previous live entertainment has included bands such as Cobra Verde, regaling the crowd with prom anthems of yesteryear. Tickets are $3 with prom attire, $5 without. Party starts at 9 p.m. -- D.X. Ferris